we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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