Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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