I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
