Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
