it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
