True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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