So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
