You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
