I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
God I need to hump something, right now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
