glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
