you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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