The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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