I want to have your abortion
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
