We need to rekindle our bromance
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
