So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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