Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
