Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
