the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
