ugly people sure do ruin things
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
