dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize