i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
