Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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