You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
