yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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