i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
