he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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