my vag is so smooth its legendary
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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