just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
