I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
