My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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