we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
