just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
