Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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