i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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