Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
