Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Duck Duck Cougar?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize