I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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