no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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