My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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