Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
