end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm too high and old for this...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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