if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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