So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
