next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This house was built for laser tag.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
