I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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