I think I died a long time ago.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
