I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
