i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
