I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
