she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So vagazzling was a success
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
