Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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