Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
