she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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