Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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