I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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