they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
