I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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