TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
