This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
