Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
