i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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